My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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