Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
