I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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