drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
