just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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