wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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