I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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