You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
