I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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