I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
