batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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