My hand turned me down
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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