i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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