I've blown a few things in my day
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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