just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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