Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
