I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
