My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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