So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
