You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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