maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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