I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
