he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
