By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize