im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
