You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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