Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
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I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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