Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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