funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
