So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
