I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
