I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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