Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
