I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
