we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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