there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
