I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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