so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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