even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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