i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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