If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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