It's Friday. Sex?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
