i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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