I'm eating all of the evidence.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
