it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
