Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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