Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
