No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
