I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
