There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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