need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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