I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
