You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
