He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
