be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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