you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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