I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
