sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
whose ass print is on the piano?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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