I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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