wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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