Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
