i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
