I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
