I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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