Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's paint friendship bongs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
