Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
