Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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