I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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