I must be too annoying 4 u.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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