Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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