she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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