Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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