i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
