we're chasing vodka with high fives
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
