dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
