he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
