Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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