I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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