Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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