Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
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