Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
