woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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