I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize