in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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